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The Vikings know their fan base. When the roster looks ragged, they don’t look for football answers — they go digging for public relations legends.
Step one: Adam Thielen comes strolling back through the doors, hat backwards, grin wide, greeting teammates like the mayor of Detroit Lakes just reclaimed the town parade.
“This is pretty surreal,” Thielen said. “There’s nothing I can say to tell you how excited I am to be back home… I thought the next time I’d be talking to you is when I was signing a one-day contract and retiring.”
Instead, he’s here to catch passes again. Not as a ceremonial mascot, but as a 35-year-old wideout who’s logged 12 seasons, 8,300 yards, and 59 touchdowns. And who, for the record, was still putting up 1,000 yards in Carolina two years ago while this team was busy forgetting he even existed.
Step two: quietly shove C.J. Ham onto injured reserve with an injury so vague it might as well read “upper body/lower body/something in between.” The kind of listing that screams: we don’t want to cut you, but we’re not letting you take up a roster spot either.
And here’s where the whole thing smells funny. Ham isn’t just any fullback. He’s Duluth’s own, a walk-on story as pure as they come, a Pro Bowl-caliber lead blocker, and one of the most respected locker-room voices this franchise has had in 20 years.
If this were real, we’d know. Lower body. Upper body. Ankle procedure. Hamstring pull. Something. Instead, we get “Injured Reserve — designated to return.” Translation: We’re not ready to tell you he’s done, but we’ve already bought the man a headset.
And you can already picture it: Ham in sweats, headset strapped on, coaching up young backs on the sideline like he’s been auditioning for the job all summer. He’s never been the rah-rah type in uniform, but suddenly he’s Mr. Clipboard? This isn’t rehab. This is a trial run for the next phase of his career.
The Vikings won’t say it out loud, because who wants to boo Ham’s retirement? Instead, they tuck him away, let him cash a final year’s check, and get the PR bounce of “keeping a legend in the family.”
Meanwhile, Thielen’s back in uniform, and that’s another PR bonanza. The kid from Detroit Lakes is once again the headline, hugging teammates, fist-bumping rookies, talking about how he’ll “take advantage of every second back in this building.”
So here we are. Thielen catching balls again. Ham maybe never strapping on pads again. Both paraded as proof the Vikings “take care of their own.”
And let’s be honest: fans will eat it up. They’ll buy the jerseys, chant their names, and forget the same front office that’s peddling these fairy tales is the one that gave us Laquon Treadwell in Round 1 and thought Kirk Cousins’ contract extension was an investment strategy.
Are these moves football-smart? Doesn’t matter. They’re PR-smart. And sometimes that’s all this franchise seems to care about.
The kid came home. The fullback may already be retired. Both are legends. Both are being used as cover.
And if you think otherwise, check the sideline Week 1: Thielen in pads, Ham in a polo shirt. That’s the Vikings way.
